I have a friend (a super, fantastic, awesome person) who has daughters roughly the same age as my older two boys. This friend of mine is on Facebook and I laugh - really laugh - at the differences between raising sons and raising daughters. That's not the topic for this post, though. The other day, she posted that she was hosting a sleepover and basic Facebook-related commenting began. Most of it was sarcastic because that's the crowd I run with and apparently it's also the crowd my crowd runs with. The people commenting were strangers to me, but we were brought together in the common purpose of chiming in on our mutual friend's funny life.
After a handful of comments (mine something related to the horror of having that many tween girls amassed in one location), a comment showed up from another of my friend's friends (are you still following?). The comment was rather long and passionate about how this super awesome friend of mine shouldn't complain about raising her kids and how the new generation of parents complains and whines about raising their kids and doesn't appreciate what an honor and blessing it is to have children.
My first reaction to this comment was one of anger. I sort of seethed at this stranger for several days. I calmed myself by remembering how laid back my friend is and how she probably let that comment slide. She probably shrugged. I also reminded myself that people from past generations have a different perspective altogether that I can't understand just as they don't understand my perspective.
Then, I wondered if this is how I'm perceived. I mean, if you read my blog, you'll find what looks like complaining and whining. I use sarcasm as a literary standard for writing about my parenting experience. But here's the deal - what I'm really doing, underneath the surface and way down deep - is BRAGGING. I'm raising these funny kids who entertain me and challenge me to my VERY LIMITS and it makes me want to share that experience with friends, family, and strangers if they'll read it. My basic point in all my blog posts is - I'm not perfect, I'm flying by the seat of my pants, I'm pretty sure my children are smarter than me and maybe manipulating me, and I'm loving every chaotic minute of it.
Even the moments that aren't funny become moments of bragging on Facebook and the blogosphere. I'm basically communicating that I'm living proof that you can't create crazy. Crazy just happens. And the more children you have (or in my friend's case, the more you invite over for a sleepover), the more crazy you have. We survive this with humor.
I don't understand the people I know who have 'perfect' children and 'perfect' lives. I feel like the friendship is not only a place of judgement, but also one where I'm not safe to be honest and one where my children aren't safe to be themselves in my stories.
To my friend (and she'll know who she is): I would NEVER in a MILLION years have that many boys to my house for a sleepover. I'm in awe of you. I relinquish the highest level of bragging rights to you. I defer to your greatness.
To my friend's friend (who will never know that this post exists - thankfully): I get that we use a LOT of sarcasm, but we aren't whining and complaining, we are bragging. We are like old men who sit around talking about their various ailments. We are like dirt bike riders who talk about how many bones they've broken and yet still get back on the bike to ride. We are like all those mothers who talk about their horrific labor experience ("I was in labor for 14 hours" "That's nothing, I was in labor for 24 hours and 12 of those hours was in traffic"). It's all bragging-based one-upsmanship.
And do you know what insanity I'll have to endure to get those bragging rights back from my friend? We're talking taking 10 10-year-old boys tent camping on a primitive site with no water or electricity. Or teaching my 3-year-old the art of silent meditation. It's going to take serious crazy.
And then she'll do something amazing and I'll have to give the bragging rights right back to her.
***My friend gave me permission to publish this post***
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