Parenting Patterns

Last night, I started thinking about all the things that have changed about me since having children.

In a movie theater, when a particularly loud moment happens, my natural reaction is to yell at Chad that it's too loud (because it will wake the kids up). An entire two-hour movie isn't enough for this reaction to go away.

Last night, when Chad fell asleep in a particularly loud movie, I completely understood how he could. Napping has become a frightening endeavor at home. You could be settling into a nice REM state only to be pile-driven by a preschooler. So, we sleep less deeply - and look haunted - because there is no safety in sleep. Only terror.

Before I had kids, I looked at parents of loud children in restaurants the same way I look at people who don't know how to merge onto the freeway. As a parent, I look at them with empathy. Last night, when a tiny toddler knocked over a wall of rocks in the hibachi restaurant, I looked at the mother with all the patronizing sympathy I could muster. "I've been there, my soul sister."

I am somehow pathologically driven to rocking when a baby is in the same room as me. I don't have to be holding the baby; I just rock along with the person who is. Rocking, swaying, bouncing...

Before I had children, if I was holding a baby and it started to cry, I practically threw it at its mother. Now, if I'm in a room and a baby starts crying, I practically throw people down to hold it, even if it is being held by its mother.

Let's not even talk about the things that come out of baby (toddler, preschooler) noses and hind quarters. It's not polite. But you know what I mean. Before...no way. Now, just hand me a wipe. No wipes? No problem...I'll improvise. MacGyver has NOTHING on me.

Before having kids, I talked about...uhm. Forget this point. I don't remember what I used to talk about. I don't think it had anything to do with poop, though.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not at all complaining. There's the other side.

Before kids, I didn't laugh all day long.
Before kids, I didn't walk around with a camera waiting for something amazing to happen.
Before kids, I didn't go to bed praying harder for other people than myself.
Before kids, I didn't know how calming it was to hold a baby.
Before kids, I didn't know how strong I really was.
Before kids, I didn't know what it was to be willing to lay your life down for another person.

Before kids, I didn't know the love of God the Father.

I do now.