Multiplicity

You know, I've always watched Funniest Home Videos with a mixed sense of smug satisfaction and veiled disappointment. I never had a kid who ran around the house banging into things with a bucket on his head. Or a kid who hides 18 frogs in her pull-up. Or a brother who paints his entire younger sibling with chocolate syrup. Obviously, I have funny kids. That comes with the territory of parenthood. But I've never had THAT kid. The one who leaves you responding with slack-jawed head- shaking. Until now.

I'm sad to say I have no video evidence of this, but I have good character witnesses who will back up my claims.

1. At 14 months old, Cade doesn't have a single word in his repertoire except "Uh." Uh means more, that, cat, no, yes, yummy, and pick me up.

2. He eats soap. He puts it in his mouth, makes a horrendous face, takes it out and looks at it, then puts it right back in his mouth to make sure it tastes that bad.

3. He likes to stick his hand RIGHT in the middle of a dirty diaper. It's impossible to change him anymore. I'd need three hands. One to lift his legs, one to do the diaper/wipe stuff, and one to keep his hands out of the action (this usually results in a bath - see #2).

4. He has discovered the joy of crawling with his forehead on the ground. He is still shocked each time he goes from rug to hardwood or over a threshold. He cries, looks at us like we put it there on purpose to torture him, and goes right back to it. He has constant rugburn on his head.

5. He hoards food. In his mouth. For hours. We fed him olives the other night and discovered olive pulp inside his cheek right before bedtime. Actually, this also applies to bugs, mud, Legos, and cat hair.

So, we have ourselves a living case of Multiplicity where my precious Cade is the tongue-shaving #4.