Bad Parenting 101

Parents are always looking for that perfect moment captured on film. The first careful steps...the first baby giggle...the first date, etc. I agree that firsts are important. I just think that other firsts are given less priority than warranted. In a house with four boys, a dare-devil dad, and a tomboy mom, we like to capture other momentous occasions. The first bruise...the first abrasion...the first contusion...(if only there were a way to capture a concussion).

I grew up in a family that bragged about cuts, scrapes, and broken bones. My mom and I have been in a friendly competition for decades. I take pictures of my newest injury and send them to her and she calls to tell me she's had worse scratches in her eyeball.

Chad, on the other hand, grew up as an only child. I'm pretty sure his ouchies were treated with more parental decorum.

This diametric is evident in our household. When the kids get hurt, Chad is quick to console and give kisses to boo-boos. I am grabbing the camera and yelling, "That was AWESOME!" There are many a dirty look thrown my direction from Chad. And many an eye-roll from me. It works, though. Chad soothes and cuddles while I make light so as not to scare.

The first birthday brings us to an interesting crossroads. In my family, there is a tradition (a twisted rite-of-passage thing) to let the baby reach for the birthday candle's flame. You may be getting some insight to why my mom is called "Scary Mom." And we'll just call Dad "Camera Co-Conspirator."

Chad and I have come to a compromise (after a rather nasty disagreement caused by Stone's charred little baby finger). I lay in wait for the shot and RIGHT as the the baby gets to the flame, he blows it out. This year was the last year to get it right. And boy, did we!



I'm proud to say no babies were injured in the making of this blog posting. There were, however, heavy cupcake casualties...

Year One

In two days, Baby Cade will celebrate his first birthday. I'm not much on retrospectives. I prefer the future or even right now. However, I was looking back at pictures (which keeps me grounded to my history) and I have to say - he's come a long way.

I admit now - please don't tell Chad I ever said this (no, I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog) - that I was shocked the first time I saw Cade. He didn't look like the other three. He didn't look like me. He didn't even look like Chad. He looked weird. I remember thinking, "Oh my, he's got NO LIPS! How can my baby have no lips?" And his face was too puffy. And he already had a man-sized nose. He was just so... Picasso-esqe. I was afraid that having three of the world's most ridiculously spectacular-looking siblings was going to cause him future trouble.

However, he was soon rigged up to Tube City in the NICU, which magically transformed him into the world's most beautiful tragic hero. The anxiety of those days has softened, but not gone away completely. It's almost laughable to think that there was once a day that his appetite was cause for concern. Now, he's like having a tiny black hole in the house.

Let's take a look back.

Ahhhhhh...no lips!

Too small to finish 2 ounces.



World's largest pacifier?

Ah...the beginning of the turmoil between Stone and Cade started at the first meeting. Daddy got onto Stone for poking the new baby right in the eyeball.



Meeting Pearce and Cole



First captured cute moment (and maybe the last) between Stone and Cade.



Personality emerging!!!



First time I noticed Cade ruining a group shot (would not be the last)



Scary monster face!



Sneeze.



Cade ruining another group shot.

Ok, so there might have been ONE MORE cute moment between Stone and Cade.



Personality emerging-ing.



Personality emerging-ing-ing.



Maybe this kid is going to be crazy.

Definitely looking like crazy is coming out.

Houston, we have personality.

Needless to say, my helpless little NICU baby has turned into a ridiculously good-looking, crazy, fearless, hilarious sibling warrior. I cannot wait to see the bruises, scrapes, tears, and knots in the coming year. Oh, not on Cade - the ones he's going to inflict on his big brothers.

To whom much is given...

I intended this to be a post devoid of sarcasm. This is all about sharing a 'God moment' with you. I should reign in the sarcasm, banish it, ignore the temptation to use it. However, without it, you won't fully comprehend the glory of the God moment. Today, sarcasm serves a purpose.

A few days ago, I took all four boys to the tax assessor's office. I'll pause to give you time to laugh. Ok, collect yourself. Really, stop laughing. Now you're just being rude.

Anyway, they behaved as expected. Less like four boys and more like monkeys. I have yet to teach Stone that just because he crawls all over my furniture doesn't mean he can do the same to the county's. The poor woman at the window waited as I said 4-5 words to her followed by, "Will you excuse me?" followed by, "Pearce! Keep Stone from going through that lady's purse!" or "Cole, don't teach Stone to make the revolving door go that fast!" Then it was back to the lady at the window. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Finally, FINALLY, I'd tagged two cars, a boat, and the boat trailer and we were almost home free (read: restrained with seat belts). ALMOST. As we exit the building, my kids look like mercury from a broken thermometer - randomly going in all different directions. I'm scrambling to keep Cole from jumping off a wall in front of a Constable's car and yelling at Pearce to stop Stone from running into the parking lot. I'm losing my patience at this point and I'm ready to Gibbs-slap ALL of them. Even the cute ones, you know - the ones not going through an 'awkward teeth phase.'

Just then, a man walks by with a combined look of sympathy and amusement and says, "To whom much is given, much is required."

Steven Covey talks about paradigm shifts in his motivational speeches.
He was traveling in a subway, a man gets in with his two sons, the sons are running all over the place bothering the people, this continues, so he finally gets irritated enough to ask the father why he doesn't do something to control his kids. The father replies, "We just got back from the hospital where their mother died. I don't know how to handle it and I guess they don't either."

8 words caused a paradigm shift in me. To whom much is given, much is required. It's paraphrased from Luke 12:48. I like this translation - The man to whom much is given, will have to give much; if much is given into his care, of him more will be requested.
Mostly, this verse describes giving to the less fortunate in your community - if you have much, give much. But on this day, the words from the stranger's mouth made me look at the verse anew. And my children.

I wish I could tell you that the boys magically transformed into little angels at that moment - that I saw their little devil horns turn into halos. But, in fact, they piled into the van screaming at each other about who got to sit in front and who was stepping on who's toes as they tried to get in ahead of the the other two. Cade, who had been in my arms the entire time looked at them like they were the funniest cartoon ever.

And I was filled with peace.

You can't always get what you want.

I have loftier ideas than my reality is willing to comply with. Today, I went to the zoo and as we were going through the Texas part, I saw this G-R-E-A-T background. I was really excited and I began to formulate how the kids would look all together.

What I had in my favor:
Great camera
Great-looking kids
...uhm. Yep, that about does it.

What I had against me:
August afternoon in Texas
Cranky, sleepy infant and 3-year-old
Kids with attention spans the size of fire ants
Candy store in close proximity
Passersby

However, I have never been a fan of pro and con lists - they seem so negative. So, I'm looking at this background and I'm internally cheerleading the possibilities. Reality is having a good laugh at me.

Let's break the cons down into picture format.

Exhibit 1 (August afternoon in Texas):
In this picture, Cole is whining about how hot he is and asking if we can skip the pictures and go to the water area.



Exhibit 2 (Cranky, sleepy infant and toddler):
You can see that I chose two pictures. Look at how oblivious Stone is to Cade's tantrum.



Exhibit 3 (kids with short attention spans and nearby candy store):
After only four or five attempts, Cole decides (without my input) that it's time to go on to funner activities, like said candy store. I like the randomness of this one. It's sort of a snapshot of our life.


Exhibit 4 (passersby):
I FINALLY get Stone to look at me only to have Pearce and Cole looking off at different passersby. Not to mention Pearce has finally given up on holding Cade.


After 30 attempts (according to my camera roll), this is the best I got:


So, obviously, my kids weren't going to give me the cherished moment I was after. I decide to switch subjects and put Stone's friend in the game. You know, fresh players.

This is the first picture that I took:

It didn't get much better from that point.


And at last, with much coaxing from me and my friend Megan, we got them to give us brilliant fake smiles.

Lesson for the day: Don't expect portrait quality family pictures after a day's walk around the zoo. In August. In Texas. With toddlers. Or infants.

So, you can't always get what you want. But if you try real hard you just might get what you can blog.