My scary Mom

I'm going to get killed for the title of this post. And the picture. This is the first of many posts to come about my mom. Why? Because she's worth it!!! (Mom, please stop reading at this point).

Okay, the real deal is that my mom is stand-up comic fodder. I have so many good lines and stories about my scary mom that, well, it just needs to be shared. You are asking, "But, Dori, what about your Dad?" Believe me, there are Dad stories coming, too. But, like a really good story, we need to build the characters. We'll start with Mom.

I once described my mom by saying, "She wears Army boots." I think that's the first time I realized that making fun of my mom would get me laughs. Interestingly, my mom spent most of my life in high heels. She's got killer legs and army boots would have been a shame. But, you get my drift. You must already have a small picture building in your mind.

The real way to describe my Mom is to say she's Diane Chambers from Cheers. No, I'm not kidding. It's like they took my mom, ever-so-slightly exaggerated her, and threw her into prime time for us all to marvel at.

She corrects my English; "What (and she always manages to pronounce the 'h'), not wut, Dori..."
She's read the dictionary for fun...twice. I thought I'd stump her once by asking her to spell Tchopotoulis (as in the river in New Orleans, not EVEN a real word), but guess who was the fool??
Although she was raised in East Texas, she has no accent whatsoever. Almost like a robot...
She plans her driving trips to the minute. Seriously, her itineraries will show that she's leaving Dallas at 8:00am and arriving in Arlington at 8:42. And she arrives at 8:42. Sometimes I wonder if she purposefully drives faster or slower to maintain this impeccable record.

This woman managed to raise a daughter who's been likened to Ellen DeGeneres and Dharma. I personally don't know how we managed to become best friends. I'm an attention black hole and she's an opinionated wall-flower.

Anyway, welcome to a glimpse of my mom. I hope this serves as a good jumping in point for stories to come.

I took this picture this past weekend - you can see how scary she is. You might also note that she has on two pair of glasses. That is a post for another day.



Here's a picture of her when she's not so scary. My dad is kryptonite to her scariness. And, you can see that she's beautiful and that I'm totally full-of-it. But that won't stop me from posting.



BTW - she will probably comment that it only takes 37 minutes to get from Dallas to Arlington...

Also, BTW - my kids don't think she's scary at all.