Case in point – the Elvis cookbook I bought my brother one Christmas. I mean, he loved Elvis. Really loved him. I remember being so proud of that gift. And years later, I learned that Derrick gave it away in a white elephant gift exchange. He still brings up the book as an example of my horrific gift-giving deficiency.
Then there was the huge amethyst. This was the year that my mom told me giving something that you’d love to have is always a good idea. I gave my brother a huge piece of amethyst. I was a teenager. Unfortunately, my 20-something brother was more than a little baffled by the gift.
There was the hat rack. It was during my ‘making your own gifts is a sign of your love’ phase. I made it from a spare piece of 2x4, three nails, and silver spray paint. My dad appreciated the hat rack – but not the hat rack-shaped silver outline on the garage floor.
My dad loves this gift, but in retrospect, it needs to be added to the list. The magnolia tree. My Dad was born in Magnolia, Arkansas. He mentioned that he loved magnolia trees. So, for Father’s Day, I spent $50 on a twig that I was promised would one day be a magnolia tree. It really is pretty now, but seriously…a tree.
I also gave my dad an antique saw for Christmas. Honest to goodness – an antique saw. Not too much more to say on that. Just let it simmer.
I gave my friend, Katie, a themed gift. Last time I’ll ever do that. I asked her if she remembered the theme and she answered, "Um...Something about sea creatures and stars?" All I remember is watching her take each gift out of the bag and wondering, 'What the heck was I thinking?' We are good enough friends to laugh about it now. Actually, I think we laughed about it as she was opening it.
Sweaters, antiques, hand-made, themed gifts – all bad. All really bad.
My biggest fear at this point is that I have all sons. Meaning I’m going to be that mother-in-law giving my daughters-in-law things like owl candles, or a chair shaped like a hand, or a lava lamp, or a year’s worth of Omaha steaks. I have to remember that just because someone said they loved Cabbage Patch Dolls when they were little doesn’t mean they want one now.
And the kicker is that I’m writing this because I just bought my friend a gift that I’m petrified will be the *update* to this post. The next example of my gift-giving ineptitude. Her birthday is on the 31st.
Stay tuned.
*Update*
Ok - there's already an update. As I was posting this on Facebook, my mom texts me this picture:
Behold, the computer-lap-light-fan-cup holder thingy.
The Antique Saw - see how much my parents love me? They still own it and have made it actually look cute.
The Magnolia Tree - no longer a twig
1 comment:
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. What does that mean anyway? Have you ever seen a gift horse? What is a gift horse? Where do they come from? Are they associated with Santa? As a retired dentist, does that mean I shouldn't look in their mouths either? What if they have some tooth decay? Or an abcess that works its way to the brain? I think I should look them in the mouth. Where was I going with thius anyway? I think your gifts are great. Much love, Uncle Chris
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